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Joeycool
11-08-2012, 04:51 PM
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/pictures/30000/nahled/british-flag.jpg


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Pee, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like little girls).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.1

3.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen!

TonySpaghetti
11-08-2012, 04:56 PM
So.... You're back? (Again?)

Dravak
11-08-2012, 04:59 PM
Fine since you couldn't stay away , and am lightheaded and in london , will support your post ;)

12, 3 who killed JFK , not oswald he was a terrible shot especially from that location to hit so nicely , splashing the brains all over the trunk :p
Done so answered one of your question ;) dravak style !

Woot hope I don't get into trouble lmao
Going back into my isolation :p

Gilgamesh
11-08-2012, 05:01 PM
Bollocks!!!!

TonySpaghetti
11-08-2012, 05:02 PM
Welcome back, Dravak. I still think you're a wanker, but you're better than other ijits on here.

Congrats for your achievements in the current event.

Joeycool
11-08-2012, 05:09 PM
So.... You're back? (Again?)

Just killin' some time! :cool:

Joeycool
11-08-2012, 05:10 PM
Bollocks!!!!

Joey ain't even mad...

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/joey-shrug.gif

Honey Boo Boo
11-08-2012, 10:00 PM
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/pictures/30000/nahled/british-flag.jpg


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Pee, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like little girls).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.1

3.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen!

You guys ain't takin over shiz. You're only as strong as your weakest link.

UK created QPR. Nuff said. :)

West London is ours
11-09-2012, 01:53 AM
You guys ain't takin over shiz. You're only as strong as your weakest link.

UK created QPR. Nuff said. :)

Coming from the melt who posts under a muggy name, with a muggy picture and comes across as a simpleton in every post he makes, jog on little boy

West London is ours
11-09-2012, 01:57 AM
Well said joey, trouble is for us Brits we are now tarnished with the same brush the stupid yanks are, they involved us in their own personal vendettas now we get pakis bombing our underground, the Americans can fcuk off for all I care, some of them are alright but literally 95% of them are plums

Honey Boo Boo
11-09-2012, 04:20 PM
Coming from the melt who posts under a muggy name, with a muggy picture and comes across as a simpleton in every post he makes, jog on little boy

Pot, meet tea kettle.

You are from UK, so you should get the tea reference I presume.

SoccerStud
11-09-2012, 04:21 PM
Too bad we would just rebel again and kick your ass

Dipstik
11-09-2012, 04:29 PM
See you in another two weeks. INB4 brown nosing.

Only off by four days this time. Next time you quit, I'll get it right.

Honey Boo Boo
11-09-2012, 04:34 PM
Only off by four days this time. Next time you quit, I'll get it right.

Lol. Extras and such.

Johnny70
11-09-2012, 04:44 PM
that would be good you could take over for a few months we could rebel and start over..... hell thats what all the small countries do let's just say screw it and start over with a clean slate.... yeah pass the fatty I know you must be smokin one! lol:cool: oh hey welcome back but screwthe Queen!

Johnny70
11-09-2012, 04:47 PM
Only off by four days this time. Next time you quit, I'll get it right.
actually I believe you had today...... let me look it up here...... yup you had today, see even when you're right you're wrong! LOL :p

jobadass
11-11-2012, 05:49 AM
you're better than other ijits on here.

Congrats for your achievements in the current event.Western Hemisphere is the best! I bet Mr. Cool doesn't even know what an ijit is... Take that, JC:p

bryoreo
11-12-2012, 11:19 AM
ummmm, fukkoff?

West London is ours
11-12-2012, 11:56 AM
ummmm, fukkoff?

dyslexic much? Jog on little man.......

Hero of Time
11-12-2012, 12:40 PM
dyslexic much? Jog on little man.......

2, 8, 8.
Extras and such.

West London is ours
11-12-2012, 12:48 PM
2, 8, 8.
Extras and such.

Santa shouldn't you be busy finding out who has been naughty or nice. Hoho ho

Hero of Time
11-12-2012, 01:07 PM
Santa shouldn't you be busy finding out who has been naughty or nice. Hoho ho

2, 10, 10.

West London is ours
11-12-2012, 01:19 PM
2, 10, 10.

You must be jokim Santa I do find that funny...ho ho ho

Hero of Time
11-12-2012, 02:05 PM
You must be jokim Santa I do find that funny...ho ho ho

5, 7, 2.
Extras.

Steve0
11-12-2012, 10:54 PM
5, 7, 2.
Extras. Please take some time away from the forum its getting alittle mutch thies days. Enjoy your childhood go meet some girls or blow something up.

Dravak
11-14-2012, 10:00 AM
Ok after spending 4 days in London , godsake what happened to my favorite city in the world !

no wonder QPR ,KOR , FIG , Dillinger, Burn went mental lol , people are used to one thing there, telling eachother rubbishe all day and pulling eachother legs ..
you know they cannot handle the truth anymore lol , no wonder Blair got reelected .
Anybody who come clean of telling rubbishe for years , is like oh WTF can we do lol .

JC truth is makes America looks like the promised land , man things sure has changed in 4 year of time .

Swearengen
11-15-2012, 07:11 AM
http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/pictures/30000/nahled/british-flag.jpg


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Pee, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like little girls).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.1

3.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen!

THANK YOU for your thoughts on our political landscape...

http://i1250.photobucket.com/albums/hh526/thesamcro/flag.jpg

Swearengen
11-15-2012, 08:29 AM
Point by point responses...

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as F_U…

2. Out with the old and in with the new…

3. What day should we select to remember the glories of sending the redcoats packing?

4. Regarding the use of firearms you seem to have missed the point entirely. The English have used the guns throughout history to colon”ize” the world, perhaps more so than any other nation. Of course you don’t support private ownership of guns as imagine how “united”the UK would be if your Scottish & Irish Brethren had access to AR-15’s and Glocks (guns for you who don’t know those terms). Good save the Queen – Indeed!

You do have a point regarding lawyers and therapists, but the simple solution is just to turn the guns in the right direction.

5. A vegetable peeler can be a deadly weapon in the hands of a good southern redneck…

6. The roundabout is simply a said reflection of the English’s inability to decide what direction to turn. Instead you go round and round with no end in sight. Take a left, right, go straight or even embrace the “U” – the U turn that is.

I didn’t think the British had a sense of humor, hence the high suicide rate.

7. Why would we adopt the UK prices? We prefer large inefficient vehicles that we can pack with guns. Our vehicles act as political billboards, expressions of inadequacies, expressions of our diversity, and/or in some cases provide lodging.

8. Vinegar is for douches and any food advice from a region with perhaps the worst food menu options in the civilized world is a laugh.

9. Finally you are at least half right! That is big step forward for your kind. American-beer is piss in general, although some exceptions do exist, for example Shiner but I digress. If you claim Ireland as part of the UK, home to Guinness, than you may have a point. And I assume you do claim them as you have been claiming them for generations despite their resistance.

10. Are there any English actors other than Rowan Atkinson?

11. We all play soccer, every 10 year old child here plays it, boys and girls. It is a cute little activity, jogging around a grassy field, kicking the ball, and fun for everyone! As to why you have to act like complete maniacs in the UK in the stands is a little concerning, perhaps you need a therapist.

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. – agreed! It is a waste of time but to each his own.

13.. .Being JFK was Irish, I would assume it was some English bastard.

14. We will be waiting for that day. Been there, done that, sent you packing…

15. Sorry we work until 5pm no time for English slacking in the work day.

Labradorite
11-15-2012, 09:09 AM
Man, Joeycool's post was so funny and humorous, a master piece!
Your patriotism is certainly got out of hand. Stay cool man.

Swearengen
11-15-2012, 09:23 AM
Hey I am glad Joey is back...He has always been funny as hell,take it for what it is - jokes.

Joeycool
11-15-2012, 01:18 PM
Hey I am glad Joey is back...He has always been funny as hell,take it for what it is - jokes.

It was a joke! I was just messin with Y'all :p



10. Are there any English actors other than Rowan Atkinson?



This guy for starters... he may look familiar to you! ;)

http://www.cinemablend.com/images/sections/29777/Deadwood_29777.jpg

Ramshutu
11-15-2012, 01:57 PM
This guy for starters... he may look familiar to you! ;)

http://www.cinemablend.com/images/sections/29777/Deadwood_29777.jpg

Once you've asked Stringer Bell wire and the Brody from Homeland whether there are any english actors any more, and after they have kicked your arse, McNulty from the wire will drive you to hospital where you can treated by house and Dr Owen Hunt; You will then be hunted down by Batman, Superman and Spiderman.

Joeycool
11-15-2012, 02:00 PM
http://www.cinemablend.com/images/sections/29777/Deadwood_29777.jpg

@ Ram... this was funny because this is Samcros profile picture. Just incase you missed that one.

Ramshutu
11-15-2012, 02:03 PM
Oh yeah, just saw that. Duh. :(

Swearengen
11-15-2012, 02:31 PM
@ Ram... this was funny because this is Samcros profile picture. Just incase you missed that one.

Exactly Joey! Glad you caught that. I know you were F'ing around, so was I.

DuB
11-15-2012, 08:41 PM
Just saw this post, nice. God help us if they put in more roundabouts. This would bring an end to American society. Witnessed someone the other day plow straight through the middle of one.

Swearengen
11-15-2012, 09:00 PM
HA....Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!