View Full Version : GenerAL Beezy Liquidates Palm Tree Shop to Fund the Final Edition of Modern War News

02-11-2013, 07:35 AM
Greetings combatants! GenerAL Beezy has liquidated all of his assets at the Palm Tree Shop to bring you this Last and Final Edition of THE MODERN WAR NEWS! Many of you may have witnessed the AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT that was brought about by the Battle For Brazil. During this period of awakening the combatants that participated were able to see, for the first time, just how many hackers had infiltrated the battle zones. This infiltration of hackers has been called a PANDEMIC by some of the combatants while others are warning that number of hackers present in the battlezones may climb even higher before the Battle for GREEBACKLAND takes place. Following the recent retirement of our embedded reporter albeezy, we sent our field reporter AlBizzle into the FORUM to see what he could discover. We now take you live to the FORUM with our field reporter AlBizzle:

AlBizzle: Hi, AlBizzle here, reporting to you live from the FORUM. The Battle for Brazil turned out to be the largest fundraising campaign the authorities have launched to date. The sheer volume of hackers present during th eBattle for Brazil was to great to count, but that did not stop the combatants from donating to the authorities coffers in record numbers.

As many of you may recall, at the onset of the Battle for Brazil, it was discovered that skill point hackers had become the new super powers for many factions. Many of the combatants here at the FORUM immediately demanded that the authorities take actions to stem the surge of hackers present in the battlezones. The authorities were well prepared for these demands and promptly requested that the combatants notify them of any hackers found in the battlezones so that they could be dealt with. Praised for working around the clock answering tickets regarding the many problems that arose with the Battle for Brazil, the money continued to pour into the treasury of the authorities.

However, after five days of battling for the right to be president of Brazil, hackers, both reported and unreported remained present in the battlezones. Some combatants took the time to remind their fellow combatants that some of these hackers were reported well in advance of the Battle for Brazil while others continued to call for the authorities to take PROACTIVE steps to purge the hackers from the battlezones. To date the vast majority of combatants believe that the authorities are content to deal with the infestation of hackers on a ticket by ticket basis, ignoring the groundswell of complaints by the combatants. At this point in time, there remains little hope amongst the combatants that the authroties will do ANYTHING to purge the hackers from the battlezones prior to the Battle for GREENBACKLAND.

It seems that the combatants are in quite a predicament. What is the mood like at the forum right now?

AlBizzle: Well, the last few days here at the FORUM there have been rumors that another boycott is needed. In fact, some of the combatants have attempted to gain support for a proposed plan to "fix" the Battle for GREENBACKLAND so that everyone's a winner! It is not clear whether the combatants possess the organizational capabilities necessary to pull such a large scale operation off at this time.

I guess only time will tell. We will be back with more after this brief commercial break.

02-11-2013, 07:36 AM
Is your faction week? Did it get pummeled during the Battle for Brazil? Want to improve your factions performance during the Battle for GREENBACKLAND? Then try H. Acker's new GET STRONG NOW SYSTEM! With the GET STRONG NOW SYSTEM, your faction can add massive amounts of firepower in just a matter of days, helping you boost your faction's performance, and let's face it! Who does want to "perform" better!

What is the GET STRONG SYSTEM you ask? Why its simple, you take one of your old iOS devices and start a new Modern War Game. Then hack the daylights out of it dumping loads of money into your faction under the guise of not realizing your faction was being aided and abedded by a hacker. Then, add a few million attack and defense skill points to this new game and make him your defensive leader. Be advised, he may be reported, he may even be banned, but the monetary gains your factions receives from his billions in donations will remain for the rest of your faction to enjoy. And since this account is not linked to your real account, there is no blowback to you! Just hide your head in the sand, play dumb, and everyone in your faction can reap the rewards. Better yet, get your faction members to do the same! The authorities do not have the bandwidth to ban them all and your faction scores points everytime one of these guys wins!

DISCLAIMER: The authorities do not condone the GET STRONG SYSTEM. The GET STRONG SYSTEM could lead to your entire faction being disbanded and loss of your main account. Use at your own risk. If your fation is already strong and full of big gold spenders, the GET STRONG SYSTEM may not be right for you! Results may vary!

02-11-2013, 07:36 AM
And we're back here live in the Modern War News Studios. We now take you back to FORUM with our field reporter AlBizzle.

AlBizzle: Well it would seem that some of the stars of the BOYCOTTER'S BALL (http://www.funzio.com/forum/showthread.php?41686-Boycotters-Ball-makes-front-page-of-the-Modern-War-News&highlight=Modern+news) are milling around the idea of reinstating the boycott as the battle for GREENBACKLAND draws closer. You may recall that many of the powers that be here at the FORUM declared their official support for the boycott some months ago and that if demands (http://www.funzio.com/forum/showthread.php?41446-I-am-officially-boycotting-MW!&highlight=pirate+justice) were not met they would be leaving the battlezones. To date a large majority of these demands have yet to be acted upon by the authorities and despite this inaction, the most vocal of these boycotters can be found swimming in seas of gold and shiny new golden toys. Most notably are the LE sets which were deeply discounted for a few weeks. Many of the once entrenched boycotters purchased these sets by the hundreds, some even purchased over a thousand, skyrocketing their stats in anticipation of the Battle for Brazil. Amidst all of this confusion one can only ask "Will a new combatant take charge and lead a boycott where the participants will follow through?" Only time will tell.

What else is happening at the FORUM?

AlBizzle: Many combatants have questioned the direction in which the battlezones are heading. Some speculate that the end is near, while others fear that gold has become the new standard by which combatants are to be judged. With the authorities adopting a strategy of offering relatively low cost, high stat units for sale on a regular basis, it would seem that the number of financial supporters of the authorities is on the incline. Factoring in the new infrastructure additions like the Anniversary Center and the Arctic Mining Rig, this theory seems to hold water. But with the vast majority of combatants being light gold or free players, the imbalance between the have's and the have not's seems to be growing exponentially.

Some combatants, such as the renowned FERRSHIZZLE, have called for more balance to the game and have even gone as far as to say they will stop playing when the imbalance becomes to great. I am not sure what sort of scale they are using to determine the degree of imbalance but many players feel they cannot compete without shelling out loads of real money in support of the authorities. With the addition of factions to the battlezones, even once close friends have now become divided over what was once trivial ingame mechanics. The factions have breathed a new life into the game, but even the shiniest silver will tarnish over time. One can only wonder if the degree of balance across the battlezones can best be judged by the number of hackers present in the game?

Another intersting observation AlBizzle. It would seem that there is plenty of talk and very little action from both the authorities and the combatants. We will be back with our final segment of the MODERN WAR NEWS after this brief commercial break.

02-11-2013, 07:37 AM
Hello their friends, Dr. Huxstabizzle here to tell you about the PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING POPS! Do you have a hard time figuring out when someone is pulling a fast one on you? Then try my new PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING POPS and you will never be SCAMmEd again! These all new and totally reformulated PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING POPS will help you know when someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes! Just one bite and you will instantly be able to spot those persons who talk out of both sides of their mouth, say one thing and do another, and know when you are getting the short end of the popsicle stick! PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING POPS now come in 'CHERRY PIE' flavor! Try them today!

02-11-2013, 07:37 AM
And we are back, man those PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING POPS look tasty! And now we take you once more to our field reporter AlBizzle, live in the FORUM:

Albizzle: During the leadup to the Battle for Brazil a true leader emerged, vowing to take the hackers on head-to-head. The person took the FORUM by storm, showin no fear and followed through with his words. Who is this person you ask? Why none other than the FORUM's new favorite combatant, NAKEDCHERRYPIE. When NAKEDCHERRYPIE first arrived at the FORUM he had this to say "Hello, my name is NAKEDCHERRYPIE, you hacked your game, prepare to die!" During the Battle for Brazil I had the opportunity to fight alongside NAKEDCHERRYPIE and see him in action. He showed no mercy and during the brief five day battle he managed to rack up an outstanding seven confirmed hacker kills with many other unconfirmed kills. Here is just a small sample of the targets on his hitlist during the Battle for Brazil:

http://imageshack.us/a/img823/5105/wallofshamer.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/823/wallofshamer.jpg/)

Following the Battle for Brazil, we scoured the obituaries published across the battlezones and found many that mentioned NAKEDCHERRYPIE as the cause of death. Here are some representative samples of the obituaries we found that attributed NAKEDCHERRYPIE as the cause of death:

Faction members mourned yesterday when they learned that one of their strongest players, Ross, died after being force fed large quantities of CHERRYPIE. Autopsy reports show that Ross had a severe alergic reaction to the CHERRYPIE and died from complications arising from the allergic reaction despite the medical staff of the authorities doing their best to keep him alive!

Faction member dies in quarrel over pumpkin pie! Yesterday, a member of a pumpkin related faction died after being buried alive in a mountain of CHERRYPIE! The faction member, commander chad, was last seen arguing with a waiter at the CHERRYPIE Cafe. The argument was allegedly started when commander chad insisted that he be served pumpkin pie, an item that is now on the menu at the CHERRYPIE Cafe.

Albizzle: The unfortunate side of this sweet story, is that at least one of NAKEDCHERRYPIE's unconfirmed kills has recently been confirmed as alive and still actively wreaking havoc across the battlezones. It would seem that the medical staff of the authorities managed to save the lives of at least ond of NAKEDCHERRYPIE's victims. Why the authorities allow their medical staff to help these hackers is unknown at this time. But what is more troubling is that these revived players are once again going to attempt to dominate the world during the Battle for GREENBACKLAND and appear to have the authorities in their pocket. To those combatants planning on participating in the Battle for GREENBACKLAND, the MODERN WARS NEWS wishes you good luck! [**drops the mic, walks off**]

ANNOUNCER: AlBizzle has left the building!

02-11-2013, 07:56 AM
:D we stopped by your base the other day to see the tumbleweeds growing, then grabbed a rake and made a zen garden out of it :D

camper killer
02-11-2013, 08:14 AM
Where does one send flowers to this once proud soldiers grave?

02-11-2013, 10:34 AM
The Days of the Apocalypse are upon us.

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRtmFJxfTC7pmZpOAUZGMxlA1nivDWYl 4Fqg3UNBFv1ttxZPJRlqQ

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQvtosV4MTFbZy3XEPlPa3mLl4mmm1cs sUNjaVVWfpg1eqT5hTlXg

02-11-2013, 10:51 AM
Everything will be just fine.

Don't take this nonsense too seriously.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQYx2i0cYGjURIVurPyN__svYrPVi54J Quux7DzBSptJRKBrtoR5w



https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQtW1UAH9I3Q3v61QLE1q0qRAtywJti8 BntIQKjjfQy1tSspvkrvA

02-11-2013, 01:03 PM
Extra extra - Read all about it :)

02-11-2013, 02:14 PM
All segments of News are up now. It was great times, but my retirement has officially started. See you guys and gals around!

02-11-2013, 03:20 PM
Peace out, my Al(bizzle) friend. See you on the other side.

I am a cow
02-11-2013, 09:59 PM
Welcome back AL none of my reports actually worked and whats more support got pissed at me.

02-11-2013, 10:21 PM
Bye bye beezy

02-11-2013, 10:43 PM
Take Care Beez!!! Thanks for the great read, and the entertainment!

RIP Albeezy

02-11-2013, 11:50 PM
RIP albeezy

02-12-2013, 01:11 AM
Take care beezy :)