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vNastIER
05-18-2013, 05:33 PM
Since Sirius closed the original thread...I decided to make a new one. Lets see how long this one lasts lol


Ill start off

Q. Whats Brown and sticky??




give up..... A stick haaahaaa

I am a cow
05-19-2013, 12:37 AM
whats a fish without an eye?

A fsh

vNastIER
05-19-2013, 11:06 AM
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

vNastIER
05-20-2013, 09:43 PM
Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?

A: "Cheap, cheap!"

I am a cow
05-22-2013, 12:10 AM
how do you get a dumb blonde to laugh on a monday morning?

Tell her a Friday night joke

Starling
05-23-2013, 03:23 PM
Why did the blonde smile when lightning flashed?

Because she thought she was getting her picture taken.

vNastIER
05-23-2013, 05:07 PM
Why did the blonde smile when lightning flashed?

Because she thought she was getting her picture taken.

lmao nice one

if God can do anything, can he microwave a burrito so hot that he cannot eat it?? hmmm ponder that Biaches lol

JimmyThePick
05-26-2013, 06:37 AM
How many lightning bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 2. But how did they get in the light bulb?

vNastIER
05-26-2013, 10:45 AM
How many lightning bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 2. But how did they get in the light bulb?

Lol
Took a second but I laughed pretty hard lol. Never heard that one before .

JimmyThePick
05-26-2013, 07:19 PM
Lol
Took a second but I laughed pretty hard lol. Never heard that one before .

Thanks man. I laughed at this thread and its predecessor too. Good stuff, good idea, kudos!

Tito89
05-27-2013, 07:28 AM
yo mama so stupid she tried to climb mountain dew

yo mama so fat she needed cheat codes for wii fit

yo mama so stupid she arranged an appointment with dr pepper

jchow69
05-27-2013, 09:44 AM
yo mama so stupid she tried to climb mountain dew

yo mama so fat she needed cheat codes for wii fit

yo mama so stupid she arranged an appointment with dr pepper

That's funny and insulting at the same time.

HARDSTYLER
05-27-2013, 04:45 PM
Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.

Yo mama is so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone!

Please add me: 414 919 675

jchow69
05-27-2013, 04:47 PM
Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.

Yo mama is so stupid that she tripped over a cordless phone!

Please add me: 414 919 675

That's hilarious, but is it appropriate.

vNastIER
05-29-2013, 07:06 PM
Why is Justin Bieber so pale?

Because there's no sunshine in the closet

CJthebaby
05-31-2013, 10:29 AM
just trying to get some posts here

vNastIER
05-31-2013, 07:05 PM
Could have just told a joke. Lol


just trying to get some posts here


What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

(CCK) Cam
06-01-2013, 07:49 AM
What sucks ass and should be locked up?

This thread.And I think you should be banned.

jchow69
06-01-2013, 08:38 AM
Can you put that in the form of a joke?

U r banned right now.

I am a cow
06-01-2013, 03:59 PM
And I think you should be banned.

he is banned now

Capt.Gin.
06-01-2013, 05:09 PM
CJ54 got fired? But blowing him hard was so much fun! :(

jchow69
06-01-2013, 05:59 PM
So many bans today...:(

I am a cow
06-01-2013, 08:31 PM
CJ54 got fired? But blowing him hard was so much fun! :(

looks like horsedik is back fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuu*k

I am a cow
06-01-2013, 08:32 PM
CJ54 got fired? But blowing him hard was so much fun! :(

CJ is still here d!psh!t

Screwloose
06-02-2013, 04:29 AM
My wife said she's leaving me because I'm too arrogant,

I asked to close the door on her way back in!

jchow69
06-02-2013, 08:18 AM
What did God say when he created the first black people?

Oops! Burned another one!

Notice that might get you banned.

vNastIER
06-12-2013, 08:16 PM
those are not jokes .. u silly F's.

quit hijacking F Tards

vNastIER
06-12-2013, 08:19 PM
those are not jokes .. u silly F's.

quit hijacking F Tards

since that wasnt a joke

whats dumb and smells like pee.

Those guys

Tee
06-17-2013, 08:31 AM
It all began with an iPhone...
March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started..

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

iHurt

Tee
06-17-2013, 08:32 AM
During a bank robbery, the robbers mask falls off. He puts it back on, turns to a man, and says, " Did you see my face?". The man says "Yes, I did.". The robber shoots him. He turns to a woman. "how about you?" she says, "No. But my husband did.".

Tee
06-17-2013, 08:35 AM
I was in Florida and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read
'I miss Detroit'.

So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read 'I hope this helps'.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With age come skills called Multi-Tasking:
I can Laugh, Cough, Sneeze and Pee all at the same time!

I am a cow
06-17-2013, 11:48 PM
I was in Florida and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read
'I miss Detroit'.

So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read 'I hope this helps'.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With age come skills called Multi-Tasking:
I can Laugh, Cough, Sneeze and Pee all at the same time!

should have kidnapped him and taken him to Al Queda where they put him on board a suicide plane

vNastIER
06-19-2013, 09:46 PM
During a bank robbery, the robbers mask falls off. He puts it back on, turns to a man, and says, " Did you see my face?". The man says "Yes, I did.". The robber shoots him. He turns to a woman. "how about you?" she says, "No. But my husband did.".

thats the kind of sh!t my wife would pull on me lol

vNastIER
06-19-2013, 09:48 PM
I was in Florida and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read
'I miss Detroit'.

So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read 'I hope this helps'.


lmao..I used to live a mile from Detroit...so I know exactly what you mean. Havent been back there in ages lol

vNastIER
06-19-2013, 09:48 PM
should have kidnapped him and taken him to Al Queda where they put him on board a suicide plane

or just to sterling heights where all of them reside in MI

or whatever that city is called. I am drawing a blank

ProXR 440
06-27-2013, 09:35 AM
or just to sterling heights where all of them reside in MI

or whatever that city is called. I am drawing a blank

It's Sterling Heights or as I like to call it Sahara Heights... I have a friend that lives there and we "check in" at his house @ The Gaza Strip lol

Q: Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?

A: The Country!

Snipe
06-27-2013, 01:03 PM
I was in Florida and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read
'I miss Detroit'.

So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read 'I hope this helps'.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With age come skills called Multi-Tasking:
I can Laugh, Cough, Sneeze and Pee all at the same time!

So funny, so true... (unfortunately)

- Snipe

vNastIER
07-05-2013, 06:46 PM
It's Sterling Heights or as I like to call it Sahara Heights... I have a friend that lives there and we "check in" at his house @ The Gaza Strip lol

Q: Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?

A: The Country!

thats funny lol. would be so true. cant wait for the next election.

Tee
07-11-2013, 06:46 AM
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?


Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.


Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!


Well... I hope this cleared up misconceptions you may of had about food and diets.

Adex611
07-11-2013, 04:25 PM
I was involved as the get-a-way driver on a robery on a paper factory. We took the a4!

Tee
07-11-2013, 10:07 PM
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauperís cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didnít know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like Iíve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ĎAmazing Grace,í the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, ďI never seen nothiní like that before and Iíve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.Ē

Apparently, Iím still lostÖ

Blue~Droid
07-25-2013, 12:57 PM
That's AWESOME!

Matthew Schmit
07-26-2013, 09:24 AM
What's long and black?

A: The unemployment line

Matthew Schmit
07-26-2013, 09:31 AM
What's the difference between a ginger and a brick?

A: A brick can get laid.

stiffarm
07-28-2013, 07:56 PM
Bump bump bump

Adam96
07-29-2013, 02:41 PM
I like jokes too

vNastIER
08-01-2013, 09:56 PM
What does a nosy pepper do?
Get jalapeno buisness.

I am a cow
08-02-2013, 06:47 AM
whats wet and smells fishy?

A fish

Whats red and smells like blue paint?

Red Paint

what do you call a fish without an eye

a fsh

General Ranger
08-05-2013, 11:07 PM
That's a good one !!

Media
08-10-2013, 11:22 PM
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's
this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan was
involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then
the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

hosehead48
08-11-2013, 02:11 PM
HAHA that was a good one

mreilly
08-15-2013, 11:06 PM
read 4 rows of jokes and none were that great.... a bit dissapointing

Exxtraterrestrial
08-24-2013, 01:03 PM
where does a citizen sit when a citizen can sit down lol its weird

frettlessibanez
08-30-2013, 02:33 AM
How many lightning bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 2. But how did they get in the light bulb?

Hahaha! nice one

frettlessibanez
08-30-2013, 03:06 AM
Q. What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?

A. Nothing. You already told her twice!


Q. How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Screw it! We got lighters.


Q. What do you call a girl with testicles?

A. Justin Bieber

Max Power
08-30-2013, 09:26 AM
Siamese Twins walk into a bar in Toronto and one of them says to the
bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two
draft Molson Canadian beers, please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite
conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent
a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?"

Jim agrees.

"Ah, England !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country ... the history, the
beer, the culture ..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's
beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so
arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England ?" asks the bartender.

John replied, "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

Miss Soprano
09-04-2013, 02:20 AM
Hey U? Looking for a new syndicate to build with? Join "The Sopranos" but first save your money it doesn't matter here because we have all bonuses. Also join only if you're fully active no slackers allowed. Add this code: 325002059 or message me back on here!

Wild Child
09-07-2013, 04:40 PM
hahahalolol

Tito89
09-28-2013, 07:02 PM
If a guy with no arms has guns strapped to him, is he armed?

:)

I am a cow
10-03-2013, 06:17 AM
If a guy with no arms has guns strapped to him, is he armed?

:)

That depends do we count his d i c k?

ARSniper
11-08-2013, 06:20 PM
What's the difference between a blonde and a misquito?




A: A misquito stops sucking when you slap it.

vNastIER
11-10-2013, 08:58 PM
Knock knock

vNastIER
12-13-2013, 09:54 PM
What's 72?
69 with 3 people watching!

Ron D.
12-23-2013, 04:31 PM
What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall?



Dam

J V
12-24-2013, 09:38 AM
Your my boy blue!

Stop Spending
12-31-2013, 11:14 AM
bump bump bump

Dr3@m|ov3R
01-28-2014, 09:39 PM
👍👏.........

Spazer
02-27-2014, 08:42 PM
your mama is soo fat, when she sat on a ipod it turned into ipad! hahahaha lol
your mama is soo stupid she tried to drown a fish
your mama is soo stupid that when she throw a rock at the ground, SHE MISSED!
your mama is soo fat, the earth was falling..falling...falling
your mama is soo poor, she ran to a garbage truck with a shopping list
your mama is soo poor, she stole a free bread
your mama is soo fat, the lift can only go down
your mama is soo ugly, when she looked at the mirror her face didn't show up
your mama is soo fat when we took a picture of her on Christmas, the picture is still printing.

Two guys went into a pub. one guy said "please can I have a cup of H2O!" the second guy said "please can I have a cup of H2O too" what happened next?
A: the second guy died because the bartender thought he said "can I have H2O2" which is a poison.

Two guys went into a bar. What happened next?
A: "BANG" they actually hit a metal BAR!

Ok last one.
There was a magic slide and whatever you say during the ride will actually happen at the end of the slide. so three guys went on the ride. the first guy said "GOLD!" and he landed on a pile of gold at the end of the slide. The second guy said "SILVER!" and her landed on a pile of silver. However the third guy said said "WEEEEEE!" in an amusement and at the end of the ride he landed on wee (piss).

that's is it for today. hope you enjoyed! :)

iMoe
03-03-2014, 06:18 AM
lol Some of jokes are nice

Troyortroy
03-05-2014, 07:05 PM
What came first the chicken or the egg?

The chicken egg

Spazer
03-30-2014, 02:04 AM
Ok, here are some new jokes
Yo mama is soo poor that when I robed her house I decided to go through the front door but then I came out the back door
Yo mama is soo poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I said "what are you doing?" and she said "I am moving"
Yo mama is soo dumb she tried to climb mountain dew
Yo mama is soo dumb she bought a ticket to Xbox Live
Yo mama is soo dumb she looked at the mirror and said "where are you looking at ******!"
Yo mama is soo dumb that when the judge said "Order!", your mom said "Can I have fish and chips please"
Yo mama is soo dumb she tried to arrest a police
Yo mama is soo dumb she tried to arrange M&Ms alphabetically
Yo mama is soo dumb when she put M&Ms into her ears, she thought she was listening to Eminem
Yo mama is soo fat, when she went to cinema she sat next to everyone
Yo mama is soo old when she went to school there was no history class
Yo mama is soo old when I told her to act her age, she died
Yo mama is soo old that Moses is in her class photo
Yo mama is soo old that her social security number is 1!
Yo mama is soo poor she couldn't pay attention!

TRUTH SETS YOU FREE
04-03-2014, 10:48 AM
Ok, here are some new jokes
Yo mama is soo poor that when I robed her house I decided to go through the front door but then I came out the back door
Yo mama is soo poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I said "what are you doing?" and she said "I am moving"
Yo mama is soo dumb she tried to climb mountain dew
Yo mama is soo dumb she bought a ticket to Xbox Live
Yo mama is soo dumb she looked at the mirror and said "where are you looking at ******!"
Yo mama is soo dumb that when the judge said "Order!", your mom said "Can I have fish and chips please"
Yo mama is soo dumb she tried to arrest a police
Yo mama is soo dumb she tried to arrange M&Ms alphabetically
Yo mama is soo dumb when she put M&Ms into her ears, she thought she was listening to Eminem
Yo mama is soo fat, when she went to cinema she sat next to everyone
Yo mama is soo old when she went to school there was no history class
Yo mama is soo old when I told her to act her age, she died
Yo mama is soo old that Moses is in her class photo
Yo mama is soo old that her social security number is 1!
Yo mama is soo poor she couldn't pay attention!
lol that's good one

Thumpr
04-08-2014, 08:23 PM
Q: when do you fully appreciate that there is a non violent solution to all problems?

A: when a mosquito lands on your testicles..